This morning, Premier Horgan announced that as part of the province’s new vaccination rollout, they will be using the waterslides at Commonwealth pool as a way to fast track vaccinations.
“Fast-Vax” will be the first of its kind in the province.
Minister of Recreational Vaccinations, Johnny Speed, is surprised it took the province so long.
“It’s been a long time coming, and I’ve come far from my humble roots. Literally, I owned a hot dog stand outside the legislature before this,” Speed said.
Not to be confused with the “Fast-Vac” vacuum, the province has contracted famed comic book artist, Todd McFarlane, to create the logo.
In an interview over Zoom, McFarlane told Victoria Buzz, “The inspiration behind this will be-.”
Unfortunately, the Zoom call cut out before McFarlane could answer.
In order to keep the waterslides sanitary, the province has also teamed up with Purell to create the first ever sani-slide – a fully operational waterslide that recycles sanitizer rather than water.
“The sani-slide is the first-of-its kind, it’s one-of-a-kind, so gorgeous to the eyes, I could say this stuff twice,” Horgan free-style rapped.
Masks are encouraged, not just for transmission but also to avoid excess hand sanitizer in one’s mouth.
Booking for the Fast-Vax will be first-come, first-served, although those proficient in water sports will be given priority.
Upon arriving for your vaccination appointment, you’ll be given a pair of goggles, an Island Health branded Speedo, and flippers – snorkels are optional, but must be worn in conjunction with a face mask.
After making your way down the slide (make sure you hold onto that Speedo!), you’ll be greeted at the bottom by the sound of Darude’s Sandstorm and a round of applause by none other than Dr. Bonnie Henry and Adrian Dix themselves.
You’ll then receive your vaccine, be given a congratulatory sticker, and ushered out of the way before the next recipient slides behind you and covers you in a wave of Purell.
Bookings for Fast-Vax will open next week, according to health authorities
In all seriousness, it’s been a long road dealing with COVID-19 – as numbers climb and we head into a third wave, we need to continue to hold the line, do our part, and flatten that curve once again.
Continue to support local, be safe, and love your neighbours (from a distance).
In the words of Dr. Bonnie Henry, “Be kind, be calm, be safe”.
We’ve got this, Victoria.