This morning, Premier Horgan announced that as part of the province’s new vaccination rollout, they will be using the waterslides at Commonwealth pool as a way to fast track vaccinations.

“Fast-Vax” will be the first of its kind in the province.

Minister of Recreational Vaccinations, Johnny Speed, is surprised it took the province so long.

“It’s been a long time coming, and I’ve come far from my humble roots. Literally, I owned a hot dog stand outside the legislature before this,” Speed said.

Not to be confused with the “Fast-Vac” vacuum, the province has contracted famed comic book artist, Todd McFarlane, to create the logo.

In an interview over Zoom, McFarlane told Victoria Buzz, “The inspiration behind this will be-.”

Unfortunately, the Zoom call cut out before McFarlane could answer.

In order to keep the waterslides sanitary, the province has also teamed up with Purell to create the first ever sani-slide – a fully operational waterslide that recycles sanitizer rather than water.

“The sani-slide is the first-of-its kind, it’s one-of-a-kind, so gorgeous to the eyes, I could say this stuff twice,” Horgan free-style rapped.

Masks are encouraged, not just for transmission but also to avoid excess hand sanitizer in one’s mouth.

Booking for the Fast-Vax will be first-come, first-served, although those proficient in water sports will be given priority.

Upon arriving for your vaccination appointment, you’ll be given a pair of goggles, an Island Health branded Speedo, and flippers – snorkels are optional, but must be worn in conjunction with a face mask.

After making your way down the slide (make sure you hold onto that Speedo!), you’ll be greeted at the bottom by the sound of Darude’s Sandstorm and a round of applause by none other than Dr. Bonnie Henry and Adrian Dix themselves.

You’ll then receive your vaccine, be given a congratulatory sticker, and ushered out of the way before the next recipient slides behind you and covers you in a wave of Purell.

Bookings for Fast-Vax will open next week, according to health authorities

In all seriousness, it’s been a long road dealing with COVID-19 – as numbers climb and we head into a third wave, we need to continue to hold the line, do our part, and flatten that curve once again.

Continue to support local, be safe, and love your neighbours (from a distance).

In the words of Dr. Bonnie Henry, “Be kind, be calm, be safe”.

We’ve got this, Victoria.

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