(North Saanich Marina)

Dear UK,

We know you’re still reeling from the news of Brexit and losing the Royals to Canada may come as a slap in the face to some proud Brits, but there’s no need to take shots at us for that!

In a scathing article titled ‘If Canada is so cool, Meghan, why do so many Canadians choose to live elsewhere?’, UK tabloid newspaper Daily Mail reporter Janet Street-Porter let her true thoughts on Vancouver Island be known, in questioning Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to move to Canada.

Her opinion piece starts off with strong words for North Saanich, where the couple moved to earlier this year, calling the quiet, picturesque municipality a “characterless backwater”.

Street-Porter laments the fact that yoga, Whole Foods, and designer clothing were all available to the couple when they lived in London, but now “what are their lifestyle options”? (Besides, you know, the exact same amenities).

She goes on to call Vancouver Island boring, with “freezing winters and a brief six week summer”, proving that the reporter may never actually have stepped foot on the island before.

The article aims to touch a nerve for any Vancouver Island/Victoria resident: “Have we Brits really upset the Duke and Duchess of Sussex so much they prefer the hum drum existence of downtown Victoria, with it’s limited choice of fine dining and trendy cafes?”

Even when referring to Markle’s years living in Toronto, the reporter can’t help but take a jab at Victoria:

“Toronto is hardly London, but it’s the centre of the civilised world compared to Vancouver or Victoria.”

No stone is left unturned in this Daily Mail article, whose reporter calls “poutine” disgusting in an attempt to fire shots at Canadian cuisine – possibly the most underwhelming comment from the land of the most famously bland food in the world.

Street-Porter ends the article with a plea to Harry and Meghan telling them “it’s not too late to come back home”.

Unfortunately for her, the Royal couple so far seems to love making this “unstylish and dreary” country their home.